A virus hit me like a ton of bricks this week, right before my birthday. At first, I felt outrage, anger, resistance, a narcissistic "why me", and many other emotions but....there was not a thing I could do about it, but, let it take its course. I cancelled birthday lunches, teas, and outings. It's funny how illness forces us to clear the decks.
Then an interesting thing happened to me. I stopped striving, developed patience, trusted I would come through this process, accepted my situation, and just let go. All I could do was sleep endless hours, drink gallons of fluids and rest. My body started to detox and discharge. At first, my mind was cloudy, unable to hold thoughts and in a kind of suspended state. Finally around the third day, I was awakened by the brilliant sunshine glowing through the blinds and creating a dazzling show on my comforter. I felt its warmth and it was as if a curtain was being drawn back from in front of my eyes. I started noticing a display of everyday things that I hadn't taken the opportunity to really "see" for a long while. My five month old kittens, Yoshi and Lilly, wanted to be close to me once I stopped being the constant whirling dervish into which I had evolved. Their sweet green eyes were shining and looking right through me as I felt their comforting softness under my touch. I had time to look at all of the magazines which had been collecting dust in the bathroom. Suddenly I could listen to the podcasts I had been saving. Getting dressed and needing to look "good" for the public became irrelevant. My sustenance became the soft grains, beans, soups and soft veggies KO was so kind to prepare. I felt such enormous gratitude to have someone who could care for me. My body and mind were beginning to purify.
A realization started to take place. I was living in the moment! I had no agenda, no pressure, no expectations, and no stress. For the last several months, along with many of my friends and other US citizens, I have been living in fear. To meet this fear and worry, we have been trying to figure out, "What can we do?" We felt powerless and in a constant state of distress that we could not fix with thinking, no matter how we tried. Then the holidays came and we consumed more stress and a healthy dose of unhealthy foods. This was the perfect recipe for illness, so no surprise my body succumbed.
I am a believer in the law of attraction. What have I been attracting? I was inviting fear, worry and distress into my precious life. I was letting myself be thrown off my center. Until I was forced by the universe to slow down to a dead stop, I was not aware this was happening to me. I paid no heed to hints that things were going awry such as a craving for sweet and salty snacks, sticking around toxic people, listening to the unlimited sewage of news and not taking time for myself, even though I was exhausted and things were beginning to hurt. How many of us ignore these whispers of something is not right until we can not ignore the loud screaming of illness and disease? If I want to attract the opposite of fear and disease, I can make a choice to bring safety, peace, health and happiness into my life.
"What is difficult in life is to stay centered when somebody does or says something that tempts us to close our hearts because their heart is closed. That is hard, but that is also how we grow. We go through those circumstances in order to evolve into people who can hold to our loving center no matter what the world throws us." Marianne Williamson
Illness can bring illumination and enlightenment. If we allow it, clarity for the things we want to attract and an awareness of the thoughts that are not in harmony with us will manifest. Just like we go to the gym to get into good shape, I realized we need to practice the way we talk to ourselves and the universe. When we fill our minds with love, fear will disappear.
On day four of this journey of illness and awakening, I am feeling grateful for this opportunity which I have attracted, to slow down and see my life. I am learning to stay in the moment. feel gratitude for all I have, material and the people I love and to listen to the whispers of my body and mind. Right this minute, it is telling me I need to lay down and take a rest. I am now willing to hear its quiet message and meet it with patience and love.
