Making Friends in This Crazy Modern World

I wonder whether there are many people in our society sitting home alone.  Is it easier to avoid connections with others and just stay by yourself?  I hear of many new acquaintances and long time friends who find it too tedious to get dressed up, put on makeup and go out for the evening with others and struggle to find things to talk about.  It is less work to sit in front of the computer or television and to have virtual friends, they tell me.  In the old days, families lived in the same neighborhood or even building.  Children grew up with aunts, uncles and grandparents close by.  If a parent was not available the kids had many others to call upon for homework help or a shoulder to cry on. The movie, Avalon, by Barry Levinson is an excellent example of this.  Neighbors talked over the fence and helped each other out.  My parents had a group of friends they saw every Saturday night for cards or dinner and they even dressed up for these occasions.  Now, it seems, people drive into their garages and are not seen again til they leave for work the next day.  Families may get together for holidays, but seldom see their relatives otherwise, if at all.

Are all the meet up groups taking the worry out of picking up the phone and inviting someone over?  All you have to do is rsvp and show up once a month.  Does this social invention help people to make friends?  Recently we discussed this in my Spiritual Friends group which meets twice a month.  We all get along well when there is a topic as a focus, but what is everyone doing the rest of the month.  The leader, a friendly laid back guy named Charlie, suggested that he only wanted to have one meeting a month, after having taken the lead for 3 years.  What would happen to the group?  Would anyone pick up the slack?  Of course, since I can not stand indecision, I stepped in.  I asked them what they enjoyed doing.  We brainstormed several ideas and then I got my calendar out and pinned them down to dates.  Some suggestions were a visit to Butterfly World and a walk in some gardens, a festival, a holiday party, a Halloween hayride event, and a joint Thanksgiving dinner.  They were all interested, but no one wanted to take the first step to plan it.  I urged different people to take charge of just one event.  They reluctantly agreed, but were very hesitant to offer their homes.  Reasons given were, "My home is too small.", or "My home hasn't been cleaned since 9/11."  As soon as I got home, I sent Evites for each event to hit while the iron was hot, so to speak.  So now we all have some events to look forward to.  It wasn't that they had full dance cards.  It wasn't that they did not like each other.  Are people just resigned to being at home alone until someone else takes the initiative?  Who knows if they will even get out of their cocoons and show up!

I think Facebook and social media has enhanced some of these behaviors.  Why go out and see friends in the flesh when you can have 837 online friends.  Unfortunately these "friends" can not feed your cat when you are out of town or provide a real shoulder for you to cry on.  Is securing a "like" on a facebook comment replacing a hug from an actual friend who brings you miso soup when you are sick?  Online you can dress in your pjs or not at all and converse for hours with people all over the world.  There are benefits to this expanse of opportunities to connect that way.  You can usually find someone available any time of the day or night, for instance.  But, does this replace in person socializing?  How is the fabric of society being affected by these computers and phones that pop up everywhere from the restaurant table or for a private bathroom event.  Even when people do get together the ever present "device of choice" creates an atmosphere where it is uncommon for someone to be in the moment, only conversing with the one person in front of them!  Are we afraid we will miss that all important piece of news or event that can not wait until we are finished giving our full attention to the person we are with?  I, too, am guilty of not being in the moment at times.  Social media is addicting.  It takes a conscious effort to decide to banish it for a particular time frame, like celebrating Shabbat, or to cut it off at a decent hour in the evening.

How many of you grapple with these issues of wanting to connect on a more personal level and having trouble setting limits with yourself and others around the computer and phone?  Does it compromise your sleep, your desire and ability to make meaningful relationships?  Is it like this in other countries?  I know I have 100 readers in Russia.  What is it like there with regard to creating friendships and social media addiction?    Just wondering.... Feel free to comment below and we can get a conversation going...online, of course!